


Dis-moi des secrets dans le noir (tell me secrets in the dark)

by mangoesntangoes



Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Idiots in Love, M/M, and youre all gonna be like :0000, but then fluff, happy valentines day, one day im gonna post a fic that isnt humon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:14:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29438094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangoesntangoes/pseuds/mangoesntangoes
Summary: "Because it was true. Nothing would ever happen to them and he would be damned if it did. Simon would be safe. He'd be safe and happy. Hugh would defeat Ace Anarchy. And they would get married and they would find a nice place to live and they would finally relax.They would finally love without fear.Love without despair.Love without pain.Love without a second thought."
Relationships: Hugh Everhart | Captain Chromium/Simon Westwood | The Dread Warden
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Dis-moi des secrets dans le noir (tell me secrets in the dark)

Tell me secrets in the dark

Marriage wasn't a bad thing. It was special. Very special. Some might have even called it sacred. It was something that bonded you and someone you love. Someone you know you love. Hugh knew he loved Simon. And Simon knew he loved Hugh. Even if they felt they were alone. They had each other and that was enough for them. So that was good and that was right. It's supposed to feel right. So...

"What do you think?" Hugh looked at Simon in the front mirror of the car. 

They had been making out at one point but what with Hugh being clumsy, had been too in the moment. He had leaned back to bring Simon closer but ending up laying on his own horn, scaring them both. Hugh nearly dropped him.

They hadn't actually realized the fact they were alone until they had already left the backside of the parking lot. Although, parking somewhere else, the entrance of the dim white-lit park, it felt like they didn't leave anywhere at all. Like they were in the same place, but instead of kissing, they were just sitting there, (awkwardly) listening to the radio. It felt like he had switched with some kind of alternate reality Hugh and he was the one actually having some kind of conversation. Action, even.

Simon had his head leaned onto his own window, his breath catching onto it. It fogged with every exhale Hugh could hear. He flickered in and out, only his breath visible in the cold. Hugh had always admired Simon's ability to keep quiet.

When they were little, he was loud and energetic just like any kid was. He didn't care about what was going in the worlld. He just cared about being a kid. But growing up must've put that perspective on him. He stopped talking and started listening. He grew from careless to cautious. He was...he was admirable. Being able to adapt so quickly. If he hadn't they both would've been dead for sure, by now. Hugh was thankful for him. How many time he had got him out of trouble. How many times he had saved him.

Hugh stayed quiet, waiting for him to say something. At this point, he wasn't waiting for an answer. Just a voice.

"Sci-fi...?"

Simon only shrugged.

Hugh squeezed the steering wheel, letting out a breath. It was dark and snowing, the only light being from the moon and white streetlights. Somehow focusing on the outside was a comfort. Everything was covered in a good thick layer of snow. Benches, pots of plants, gates and fences. Hugh could see almost to the playground of the park where the swings swung a bit by the frosty air that pushed them. With each swing, a bit of snow fell to the ground. He had no idea how long they had been sitting there, waiting for...something.

He wanted to look at Simon but every time he tried, he would only be met with a mess of pitch oil black hair.

He wanted to see his face. He couldn't even see it in the mirror.

Hugh did not like the sudden energy inside the car. It was rocky and...awkward. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

He didn't know why Simon felt the need to think about it. They had been together for years. Seven years and counting, Hugh hoped. It was a big step forward, but it was the right time. Hugh felt it was the right time. Admittedly, he was disappointed that "yes" wasn't Simon's first answer. His first answer was ...a string of fears.

Hugh wanted to stop him as soon as "Im scared that," came out of his mouth, but he spoke too fast.

_That we wont be able to_

_That one of us wont make it_

_That no one will make it_

_That...that...that..._

Hugh tried not to listen so hard but he couldn't help but focus on the words he understood. He flinched a bit when Simon started to raise his voice.

He had never raised his voice before. At least, not like that. He tried to reach for his hand but he already moved it to his chest.

_What if we lose?_

Hugh held his breath as his voice died down.

He could see Simon fighting the heat in his eyes. Simon wiped his own face with his scarf. The car died of noise, saving for the radio playing soft Christmas musicby piano. Hugh took another look at Simon, who was biting on his scarf so hard, his teeth sunk through the fabric. Hugh could feel his own teeth grit. His braces felt sharp against his lips.

To be so scared of the future, to be so scared of ruining that future. In their silence, Hugh started to see what he was scared of.

What if Simon is right?

What if it wasn't the right time?

What if they were rushing time?

What if they were just so deep into that high school love story they believed they would last? Would they last?

Hugh shook his head, running fingers through his coarse hair (he hadn't had time to do it in the last week.) Of course, they would last. They even told each other they would. Each little secret they've shared, each little kiss and touch. All of that would last and so would they. Love couldn't fight back on its own. They had to work together, be together. Through every fight, every mission, everyday that felt like it wouldn't end. 

Hugh looked at himself in the mirror. One brown eye, one blue, both fighting the heat from escaping. He pressed his fingers to them beneath thick framed glasses. He turned his body to Simon and outstretched his arms, his varsity jacket riding up his sleeves.

"Come here," Hugh whispered, voice nearly rasp, reaching for him. Simon sniffled, giving him a soft look, his own eyes sparkling with tears.

"Simon."

And Simon took off his seatbelt coming closer than Hugh had hoped for. He skipped the middle console, straddling Hugh's lap, wrapping arms around his neck. Hugh's own arms went around his waist, keeping him steady. 

Simon bent to kiss his head, running fingers through his hair. Hugh laid down his head onto his chest and felt Simon's heartbeat against his own, almost convinced that they matched. He closed his eyes in the silence, head buried into the nape of Simon's neck. It was silent save for their own bodies. And that fact made Hugh jump a little when he heard Simon's low voice.

"Tell me something." he said, fingers tangled in gold. Hugh felt his lips curl against Simon's collarbone.

"What?"

"Anything." The way Simon's low whisper carried the through the cold air made him shiver. Simon's breath was hot against his ear but he felt as cold as a ghost. If ghost could feel cold.

"Im scared of vultures." Hugh said, eyes glued to the window. There were birds sitting on a power line and Hugh could see them as vultures, albeit they weren't.

Simon perked his head up. He had a confused look but there was a toothy smile.

"What?" he laughed.

"Vultures," Hugh shuddered. "They're creepy." With their beady eyes and crooked necks. Hugh shuddered again. His body relaxed when he heard Simon laugh again. Looking at him was like looking at the moon. Dark but full of light. There is no light without darkness. Just as there was no Hugh without Simon. A bit of his hair fell from his clip and Hugh pushed it back behind his ear.

"Now, you tell me something." Hugh tangled his own fingers through Simon's hair. He let out a breath, closing his eyes.

"I...im scared of dogs. I got bit by a few."

Hugh cocked his head.

"A few?"

"It was a pack." He said, squeezing his scarred hand. Hugh brought it from around his neck and kissed the back of it. Simon only led it to his cheek. His smile was bittersweet but soon turned almost....Well, there was a lot running through his face at once that Hugh could tell. He knew how to read it, that's just how it was ever since they met.

Hugh helped Simon with his disorder and that brought them closer. Hugh was proud of himself for being able to care about someone other than himself. He knew he could be a bit of a narcissist but when Simon and the others came into his life, he felt something change. He had realized something had changed. When Kasumi had finally gotten a good grade in math, he kept his mouth shut about his own.

He was happy for her, that she could finally pass. When Tamaya had won a fee sport games trophies, he didn't brag about his own he made from hand. He had actually forgotten about them. Tamaya was so proud and he was too. Hugh had always counted on himself for encouragement. He never had the friends he had now.

"There's...something else I'm scared of..." Simon began. His voice had become more distant than moments before. Hugh frowned. He squeezed Simon's side, bringing him closer as if he would drift away if he didn't.

"What?" he whispered. Simon hesitated biting his lip. His burned onto Hugh's head but he didn't look up until he heard his answer.

"...Us."

"... _Us_?"

"Im scared because I love you...." he started to shake but held on to Hugh's shoulder. He wouldn't look at him though. Distant purple eyes stared intent on the snow that cling to the frosted window. Hugh chuckled. A weary noise, pathetic even. He couldn't seem to hide the hurt through his laugh.

"That's nothing to be scared of." He tried, with an encouraging smile. Simon did not return it. Instead, he looked away. His eyes were wide and burning. That was something strange and beautiful about Simon's eyes. They got brighter when he was happy or mad, but darker when he was sad or bored. Hugh felt weird the first time he noticed it, but since the first time, he couldn't stop looking at them. There were specks of gray that floated in them, that made them shimmer.

"Isn't it? I could lose you, you could lose me...Where would we be then?" Simon's voice carried with no emotion. He just said it. Hugh frowned, feeling his brow knit together. Simon would not look at him. Not being able to see his face actually bothered Hugh. He tried his best to keep his cool. Yelling would do any good. He learned that the first time.

"That's not gonna happen. Im not gonna lose you," he said quietly, rubbing a hand across Simon's back. Simon was absolutely not a person Hugh could afford to lose. Its not as if he relied his entire life on him but...where would he be without him? He didn't want to smother him. Simon needed enough space on his own as it is. 

But still.

Hugh loved him. He would love him over and over again. Thats not something he could contain so easily. Just like his anger, his love burned through his blood. A place that not everyone could reach. And when Simon reached it, in the first fee months they met, he knew he was someone he couldn't lose. He just couldn't. Simon needed Hugh. Hugh needed Simon

"You don't know that," Simon's voiced cracked. He lifted his hands from Hugh's shoulder, bringing them to mess with his scarf. They both could see the teeth marks that were imprinted into the yellow fabric and the tears of the trails and tassels. Hugh had gotten him the scarf as a thank you gift. And Simon had never left without it. Unless, the day was absolutely too hot. Simon had never gotten cold, never bothered to be cold. But he still wore it. He had told Hugh it was perfect. Hugh's heart skipped hearing that from someone who didn't seem to believe that the cold was even a thing.

"I do. Because I'm not gonna let it happen. Ever." Hugh made his voice stern.

Because it was true. Nothing would ever happen to them and he would be damned if it did. Simon would be safe. He'd be safe and happy. Hugh would defeat Ace Anarchy. And they would get married and they would find a nice place to live and they would finally relax.

They would finally love without fear.

Love without despair.

Love without pain.

Love without a second thought.

Because thats what love was. Of course, it was ok to be afraid of it. But you still held onto it. You still didn't give up. You still keep that love as your motivation. Hugh knew he did. He looked up to Simon. He was strong and...admirable. Hugh couldn't go an hour without calling him admirable. Because he was. Even in his condition, he could keep his cool. He could think without having his own emotions in the way. He was just admirable in every way. From the way he spoke to the way he dressed. Simon was everything.

"Do you have a plan if it does?"

"Simon!" Hugh gripped his boyfriend's arms. Boyfriend. Who was scared that word would soon become friend. Or something else.

Or something worse?

 _Acquaintance_?

 _Stranger_?

 _Enemy_?

"Im sorry!" Simon nearly yelled, black tears already falling, leaving wet trails of mascara on his cheeks.

Hugh relaxed his grip on Simon's arms.

What if he was right?

What would he do if he did lost him?

Or what would Simon do?

He sneaked a glance at him.

He was looking out of the window, fighting the tears on the edges of his eyes. His eyeliner was already ruined. Hugh buried his head into Simon's chest.

"I don't _want_ to lose you." he whimpered into Simon's scarf. It...smelled liked him. Simon began to curl his fingers in Hugh's hair again.

"I don't want to lose you, either." he whispered.

"You wont." Hugh squeezed him hard. They would not lose each other.

They wouldn't.

They couldn't.

"Im just...it could happen...What would you do?"

"Look for you....Wait for you."

He'd look to ends of the Earth for Simon. He'd wait till death for Simon. He would...do anything for Simon.

"And if I don't come back?"

"Simon, please. Please." Hugh begged.

He would do anything for Simon. Losing him absolutely was not an option. It just wasn't. It couldn't be. They needed each other. And no matter how many times he said or thought it, he believed it true. Hugh needed Simon. Simon needed Hugh. 

Hugh tightened his arms around Simon's body. It was almost hard to breathe. But he didn't care. He deserved the suffocation. It felt nice in a way. It was...reassuring. Soon as he couldn't handle the lack of air, he wiggled from Hugh's grasp.

"Im sorry," he whispered, cupping Hugh's burning cheeks with his hands. His face was hot and squishy, his hands squishing his cheeks together. Hugh chuckled quietly, bringing their foreheads together. 

"Don't scare me like that."

Simon nuzzled their foreheads together.

"Can i tell you something else?" he whispered, bringing his arms back around Hugh's neck.

"Yea?"

"I don't really know what I'd do if I lost you. Because I never thought about it."

"Me either. Until now."

"It won't happen. We wont lose this," Hugh brought up their intertwined hands, bringing his lips to the metal of Simon's knuckles. That was the arm that couldn't feel much but he felt it in his heart. 

Simon had been more than grateful when Simon had to stay in a rundown hospital. And even more when he had risked his life to find parts for him. It wasn't something he had to do but he did. Hugh had painted flowers on the yellow parts and Simon had never washed them off. They had peeled over the years as if they were wilting but Simon still loved them. Little white daisies amongst bright orange sunflowers. 

"... Can I _ask_ something?" Hugh's quiet voice lifted.

They hadn't realized the radio had shut off, they were they only people making any noise.

Simon cocked his head with a grin.

"Can you....can say "i love you" in spanish...?" Hugh smiled sheepishly. He knew he liked it when he spoke spanish. Simon had told him things of love in the language when he couldn't find himself to get up in the morning. The first time it happened, Simon was singing in the kitchen and Hugh just happened to follow his voice. He rarely spoke it, but Hugh knew he did when he was in a good mood. He had never actually requested it, but he was happy when he did. They both were. 

" _Te quiero mucho_....Now you say it in french," Simon playfully shoved him, puffing out his chest. Hugh laughed, that laugh Simon loved when he was finally in his spirits, that loud goofy cackle.

" _Je t'aime aussi_..." Hugh said quietly, eyes fixed on Simon. They were soft and full of love and sparkle. Hugh had never spoken french because he never had a reason to. There was no one he could communicate with so why bother? But he did for Simon. It had actually surprised him once when he said he wanted to learn. Hugh had said there was really nothing to learn it for but...Simon responded that he wanted to learn for him. For him.

Simon couldn't wipe the grin off his face and Hugh couldn't either.

Simon needed Hugh. Hugh needed Simon.

We wont lose this. The statement rang through their heads.

We wont lose this, they remembered.

Each other was not something they could afford to lose.

\---

_"Hola, Georgie?" Simon heard the crack in his voice as he laid across his bed. Georgia was quick to answer hearing it too._

_"Well, what is he?"_

" _Not even a hello?" Simon scoffed, flopping onto his mattress...._

_"And what do you mean?"_

_"You know what I mean. Hugh, what is he?"_

_"He's....Hugh?" He was Hugh, brave, courageous, charming....What's something he wasn't?_

_"No, Simon. What is he to you? I know you talked."_

_Simon relaxed as he settled himself under his covers. The last thing he saw was a picture of them before he closed his eyes._

_What was he to Simon?_

_"...Everything."_

**Author's Note:**

> Please, i have a thing for Hugh and Simon saying i love you in their language—  
> Hope u like <3


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